To Resolute, Or...

Another year fades away, leaving me angry @ those offensive moments of anguish and pain. At the same time, the moments of serenity, the replenishing morning strolls, try hard at overcoming the anguish. Failing sometimes, succeeding at others, the copious assembly of feelings make my mood swings a tad more uncontrollable.

A new year, as they say, is a time for resolutions, and like the geeky little kid on the first bench of the class, i start counting the ones that had been wasted in the last years, and the ones left to be chosen from! And i mumble .. This year, i will... , nah, not that one, neither that, too optimistic, lame, boring,.. gosh whats left? back to square one. and like the geeky kid, i stare.

Let me just say, Resolutions are for dummies. Ill quit what i like, and take up what i dont! Or something like that. Happy New Year, Mates!

--- Sounds inside my head ---

Advice, as if adding vices to my already tarnished and egoistic soul, my old colleague stood besides me, showering petals of blissful and satirical comments on how to solve my problems.

I was so not ready to take advice, not yet.

As if the sound of my conscience tapping away at my head at will, resembling the woodpeckers hammering through the rosewoods, wasnt enough. It wasnt the first time. Just like the innumerable times, i had rather unknowingly sped past the signal, today too, my conscience was grudging over my incapability to let go of the thoughts of the future.

The reminiscent shadows of the past, were casting incorrigible stains of darkness over my perception of the near future. The many bad things that had happened, have blinded my faith in the good. The bad and the ugly were prominent enough to make me curse many a imaginary "Blame idols", that the human race has grown so fond of, God, Luck and planetary motions included.

But somehow, being the hopeless optimist that i am, i jump to the slightest chance of a comeback for me. That single strike of chance, that make me switch on the Television exactly at that precise moment when my favourite program starts, makes me believe again. "Stupid", i retaliate. Yet, the next homegrown miracle in the form of a perfect cup of coffee, from my rather incapable hands, make me the hopeless optimist again. And that blunt little grinny smile slips right through.