To Resolute, Or...

Another year fades away, leaving me angry @ those offensive moments of anguish and pain. At the same time, the moments of serenity, the replenishing morning strolls, try hard at overcoming the anguish. Failing sometimes, succeeding at others, the copious assembly of feelings make my mood swings a tad more uncontrollable.

A new year, as they say, is a time for resolutions, and like the geeky little kid on the first bench of the class, i start counting the ones that had been wasted in the last years, and the ones left to be chosen from! And i mumble .. This year, i will... , nah, not that one, neither that, too optimistic, lame, boring,.. gosh whats left? back to square one. and like the geeky kid, i stare.

Let me just say, Resolutions are for dummies. Ill quit what i like, and take up what i dont! Or something like that. Happy New Year, Mates!

--- Sounds inside my head ---

Advice, as if adding vices to my already tarnished and egoistic soul, my old colleague stood besides me, showering petals of blissful and satirical comments on how to solve my problems.

I was so not ready to take advice, not yet.

As if the sound of my conscience tapping away at my head at will, resembling the woodpeckers hammering through the rosewoods, wasnt enough. It wasnt the first time. Just like the innumerable times, i had rather unknowingly sped past the signal, today too, my conscience was grudging over my incapability to let go of the thoughts of the future.

The reminiscent shadows of the past, were casting incorrigible stains of darkness over my perception of the near future. The many bad things that had happened, have blinded my faith in the good. The bad and the ugly were prominent enough to make me curse many a imaginary "Blame idols", that the human race has grown so fond of, God, Luck and planetary motions included.

But somehow, being the hopeless optimist that i am, i jump to the slightest chance of a comeback for me. That single strike of chance, that make me switch on the Television exactly at that precise moment when my favourite program starts, makes me believe again. "Stupid", i retaliate. Yet, the next homegrown miracle in the form of a perfect cup of coffee, from my rather incapable hands, make me the hopeless optimist again. And that blunt little grinny smile slips right through.

Angsttttttt...........

Why is it that when you least expect it, things go haywire? The simplest of things that work out effortlessly for the next person standing in line, or the one next to him even, won't work out for me? !@#$%% Lame. A frivolous act of enjoyment, gets noticed and judged upon, while that selfless display of bravery, goes unnoticed on more than one occasions.

!@#$%%^ Lame.

Desperately Seeking ...a prepaid punching bag, Any takers???

*- Hazy -*

Legs frozen, the Mind storms ahead.
For i dreamt a dream.. forLorn..
The head steady, the floor lie spinning.
For i puffed a puff.. alone..

The sky muddy, the ground clear blue.
For i took a leap, headOn..
The view hazy, the path curvy..
I dreamt a dream forLorn..

Me and a shadow, mystery surrounds..
Me and the shadow i see..
Silence, chaOs, all in one moment.
I am still not back to me..

The grass Numb, the legs dew-clad..
The hands shaky, no more..
I stand on the ground, cemented..
And I puffed a puff.. alone..

** HelpLess **

I peek a boo, whilst the drops are pouring..
And i melt, like the chocolate cone in my hand..

I steal a glance, @ that strike of lightning,
And i tremble, like the stray kitten by the stand..

I lay with my hands, still as a painting,
Unable to lift it up, unlike my spirits,

I lay there, still as a painting..

I cope a feel of the warm, passing winds,
And i sway, like the curtains beneath..

I smell the lillies, by the flower shop,
And i smell, like i may not ever breathe..

And I wake up smiling, like i never smiled..
For its the First morning of spring..

I vehemently, adore the happiness,
that you oh so lovingly, bring..

Like the subtle break of dawn by the window,
I catch my drowning will, and stand..

On my feet.. Again...
Once again, i Stand..

-++ SomeWhere Else ++-

Red green blue..
It's too good to be true..
$he's in my arms and i ..

In the Captioned Tshirt,
Red green blue..
Smoking pot, and craving more..
In an Aching body, sore..
For $he's in my arms, and i..


Dim-lit room shady, creaks..
And the freak, lay, craving..
$he's in my arms, and i..


I cut myself shaving,
I tried looking nice.,
But, vices like mine..
It won't suffice, Will it?


And he tried escaping..
through the crack in the freak..
And i had to kill it..


In the tinted shades over my glasses..
There was the freak, craving..
Paving his way through the chaos,
$he's in my arms, and i..
I am somewhere else..

++? What the Tweet ?++

 Insane Me - "Where am I?, Why am i here?"

And in my hours of insanity,"Why!", I wonder, do i always end up doing 'em things, @ times when they weren't supposed to be done. Be it washing clothes, i dip em into the water, and turn around only to find an empty can of washing powder, grinning frivolously. And, for the lack of a better expression, i grin back.

Why do i start writing crappy monologues like these, and i quote on "Sundays", when i could be sipping colas, and watching popcorn-flicks on television instead? And to make it look genuine, and less idiotic, i CAPITALIZE, and italicize a few of its words. Its strange, i'm strange. I wonder.

Why does the apartment "Fuse" go out, when i'm all alone, and the friend who could've fixed it, is out holidaying. It's stange is what it is, and i'm strange is what i am. Smiling ignorantly, after finding those glasses on my nose instead, which like most of us, i hate to admit, and need anonymity to confess. Asking about the Beer i never drink! Clawing away at that laptop, even while watching that television show, only to make sure i haven't got any important mail. As if, i get any important mails. As if, someone uses the computer on a Sunday afternoon, Oh Wait there's me!

May be its because, these are a part of me, i am a part of me. I feel sane at times, genuinely insane sometimes, and foolish most of the time.Yet, it feels good to feel foolish. Its feels good to be me. Its good to be me. Oh wait, i think my sanity is coming back now.

Sane Me - "Lets watch the News! And Hey, where my Beer?"

++- The boy who was Superman -++

And with a kiss on his forehead, mommy dearest put little Jamie to sleep. And off he went to Fairyland. The bestest of places for him, the place where he was God. And tonight, God descended, as superman. He kick-opened the closet to reveal, that "Allmani" Superman suit, "Wait, or was it Armani? duh, who cares, its exorbitantly priced", he mumbled! "Plus, i'm a kid, i'm supposed to spell it wrong." All Red-Blue , it shone with its invincible might.

 
                 With his creativity plunging beyond his limits, he even painted a newer Logo, with an articulated "J", to add his flavour to it. "Juperman?" - he shrugged. And, Shrugging some more, he rubbed the J off, replacing it with an S, now, that suits it. He gave a superficial, charming look @ the suit, and off he went.


Now, He had no secret identity to hide. Now, he stood apart, free from the influences of the mortal sins. As he flew, to save a soul, or many, she grabbed him by the arm. Lois Lane, she stood there, anxious, waiting to be saved, waiting to be loved. But, he, with an inquisitive stare, walked right past the melodrama.


"Who are you?", he questioned, as if she wasn't the love of his life, nor was he hers.
"Why am i obliged to save you?".


He wasn't intimidated by her. He hasn't felt love, or lust, or angst, or jealousy, or anger, no, not yet. He wasn't desiring her neverending tenderness, and love. No, not yet.


He just walked past the confusion. And the sign read, Superman has left the building, free from the mortal sins. To save a soul, or many. And, After a long and fiesty battle with evil, he retires. for with a kiss on his forehead, mommy dearest woke him up.

>--- something ♥ like love --->

That cloudy afternoon, the sight of her coming out of that door, kept looming in upon my anxious shadow. She could walk in anytime now. It's been an hour since she walked into that restaurant.

Her green T-shirt tugged in that familiarly funny way, was amusing . I could stare into those dark eyes of hers for days, or so I thought. I haven't found the courage yet. I haven't found the right words yet, that could express something like this, something so inexplicable, something.. something like love.

Her quirky smile, that I could only catch occasionally makes me grin. And it makes my day. My day, no matter how horrible it was before, it makes my day.

I thinks of her kurta's, often. I don't like them, they don't suit her. But, ah.. when she dresses in that spotless white shirt, it soothes my etched heart. It sprays my tainted feelings with purity.

I stare back at the door. She could walk in anytime now. It's been an hour since she walked in.

How she twitches her eyebrows when she's bored. How she makes me crave, not for ice-creams, not for a drink, but for her to twitch her eyebrow affectionately, amicably, adorably. How she somehow commands me to stay here glued to the bench, waiting for her to come out. To catch a glimpse of that glowing persona, and a loving smile.

And she walks out, of the door, completely ignorant. In a few gait filled steps, she's out of my sight. How could she ignore something so inexplicable. How could she ignore something like love.

And I stare back at the door.

** The view **

The hand trembled, partially frozen by the passing wind, and she sat, in that sultry winter evening by the fence, she sat trembling. The passerby stared, @ that bare elbow stretched out of that yellow pullover, as it reached out for something. He hinted at his eagerness to know what she was hiding, yet he passesby.

That rugged bag stored a bunch of things, including a black, iron tipped Violin. She started playing it with a deterministic consistency. The melody unheard, the touches of the bow, grim yet mysteriously melodious. Soon, the anxious crowd gathers, ready to applaud the act with a generous tribute of currency. The grim melody kept playing, and the crowd waited anxiously to applaud.

As the melodic progression neared the ending, the chatter of the crowd magnified. The clinking of coins, broke the concentration of the violinist, which was evident with the sudden shake of the head. She started to walk away, ignoring the pile of coins, glancing merrily @ the surprised eyes of a satisfied crowd.

The old man by the side, sensing the opportunity, came up as the crowd started to disperse, to collect his generous and effortless collection. She smiled, and moved on.

The view was breadthtaking. This was so inhumane. Or was it just human?

~ Oh, Wait, I'm Drunk! ~

Everyone presents that vague and inexperienced comment, "Why do you Drink?" to someone, @ some point of time! As if its that devilish act of self-destruction! I beg to differ!

As Questionable as it might sound, everyone has a right to be able to shy away from those worries of life, even if its for only a while! That investment plan that wasnt in your think-tank a while ago, as if woken up from a bad dream, and cuddles up in its debatably rightful place, rushes inside your cerebellum! Money matters, maligning those scarce moments of peace! Troubles of the N'th degree haunting the thought process! Fear not, the solution awaits!

That potion of heavenly charm and enigma, that drugs out those eerie feelings of what if, and Why's from that eerie corner of our medula oblongata, is invented for a reason! That inebriated couple of hours, teleport us out of the earthly clutches of greed and inhibitions, into a void of emotions! The only emotion that could shatter those doors, would be happiness! And glee!

Cheers to Life!!

Statuatory Warning - Drinking is Injurious to Health!

--- Debatable Doubts ---

Conscience! A term that is abused to its core, when giving that unwanted advice to a friend, who is most probably isn't even listening! Yet, I never fail to include the Conscience bit, to that argument! An argument, which isn't fitting in. Isn't able to settle down, as something worthy of a second thought. Yet, that argument, always forces self-proclamation to re-surface!

Where would my blatant conscience that everybody so calmly speaks of, find a place of application?

When would the right time for that battle of Good versus evil show itself?

How would i be able to overcome that iota of doubt that keeps me floating around in my Dozing -off hours! Doubts, Oh.. Doubts!

And yet, we proudly present our bits for the good of our s0-called friends, who we have to console in some way, that should be precise, yet not too overwhelming! And its a tough call, there are the genuine friends who gather our genuine sympathies, and there are the not so genuine one's that don't(@ least for us) deserve our sympathies. Reason, could be right or wrong, but the decision, is solely based on our debatable conscience. Decisions, about us are oh so simple, but verdict concerning others subtle and harsh, yet not so challenging.

I seldom ask my conscience about the correctness of its blatant verdicts, i believe it is the right thing to do. But, who is concluding or validation Doctor Conscience. Doubts, Oh.. Doubts!

~@ The Incredible Hulk @~

The six senses, are merely @ the verge of a part of us, that we are unwilling to explore. The real senses, as i could infer invariably, are the behavioral traits that one possesses, from the day we are brought to life. One particular trait, that i am though not that fond of, yet i use unwillingly, and in plenty, is anger!

The calm and composed self, that I, oh so proudly portray, in front of our beloved dear ones, is a myth. As the boundaries of my unbelievable, yet existent self proclaims itself, the Gamma radiations inside me, start to bubble out, and i find myself transforming into The Incredible Hulk.

Not as hulky in appearance as one might infer from the Marvel Comics that we are fond of, yet the strength of belief defy the abilities, and i find myself cursing and screaming @ almost anyone that crosses my eyesight. Unbeckoning of the consequences, i scream @ the top of my voice. As, the non-existent yet hugely admired self of mine re-posesses my fragile body again, i come back to my senses.
My conscience tries to force an "apology" into my thoughts. And as soon as i realize, i dont need to be humble neither am i to be contrived of my thoughts, the Gamma radiations inside me, start to bubble out, and i find myself transforming into The Incredible Hulk. Again.